I have been working on myself for years, and I love this work of freeing myself to find more joy ,peace,and love. I found a series of webinars that have me really digging deeper then ever before, letting go of old patterns that where in the unconscious, moving from head space to heart space. I am finding that I am still playing small, playing the I don't deserve game, being small in my relationships, pick up morsels of love, and being okay with lack.
I woke up this morning and realized how small I was being in the area of love, because my heart burst open into a new vibration where I feel more self love then ever, and I realized that I was giving myself the morsel, I wasn't GIFTING myself Big open love, I was okay with not having.
LOVE is a beautiful thing, LOVE is our way home, and LOVE is the gateway to paradise , to feel whole,and happy. Allowing myself to explore this new love for myself that comes from within ,one that brings new opportunity to live full out only comes from the heart space.
Allowing our self to move from the heart is a big step, it is a leap of faith into a new beginning with out a net ,just wings to fly, to soar into the newness of who we truly are and it attracts all things that the heart wants, it manifest the most beautiful things for us, IT shows up, and all we have to do is take it, be in the moment and soar with it.
I LOVE THAT.
Yoga is not just about poses yoga is a system that creates healing for the mind body and spirit , it is whole in it self to move us ,open us ,and to heal us. It is 24 - 7 path on and off the mat. I chose Hatha Yoga for this purpose ,it is deep in breath work, deep in mindfulness as one cultivates flexibility. When I think of flexibility I think of the body , but yesterday I found that it is also flexibility of the mind as well. This was my first big AH Ha off the mat , my Attachment to wanting someone to see things my way to get what I wanted , instead of getting what I wanted and letting the other person see things their way,I created a block. I wrestled with this for days in my mind, I became irritable inside myself feelings of unjust came flooding to my mind because I could not get this person to see things my way, I wanted him to bend the rules in favor of me, to make an acceptation to the rule because I deserved my dream to come true, and he was holding it back, he was my road block, and now all I could see where my long held dreams slipping through my fingers . A few days pass and my mind is still in lock down about my dream manifesting the way I saw it , I walked to the mail box and reached in to get the mail ,and found my yoga magazine had arrived, a happy distraction to get my mind off this issue and feelings that my fate rested in someone else hands . I am looking through the magazine and in bold red letters I read the following statement " Your asana practice offers an opportunity to become better at recognizing where,when, and how you are getting caught in reactivity and to observe your ATTACHMENT to results."Some how this started to unravel my mind ,I could see how hard I was being. All I needed to do is be like the willow tree in this process of building my dream, to bend and be flexible in ways the delivery of my dream comes to fruition.
I kept asking my guides and angel to make this process easy and fun, I wanted it to be served on a silver platter ,I just wanted it to be really easy , I was making it hard ,through my narrow vision , by holding my idea so tight that I was suffocating my own dream. I had to let go of how ,and let it come easily let the others do their work that I have requested ,I had to open up to life being easy for me, I had to open up to new ways of seeing that my request have been answered and my dream of owning an on site Yoga /art studio is clearly manifesting with grace and ease. It is us that stand in our own way of having the life we dreamed of ,it is us that need to let go ,and to cultivate openness and see that the universe really dose have our back . We just have to be open to it , no matter how it comes to us . Hatha yoga has changed me ,it changed my mind , it has allowed me to open up to receiving in new ways, with using the breath work and mantras, to move from difficult to easy , that is the power of yoga, it moves you into receptivity ,openness and joy cultivating a positive mind, body connection .
I have been embarking on my spiritual path for over 30 years ,and I still feel like a newbie just stepping onto my path. I am so in love with the depth of awakening, when one path ends another one opens. The learning of the new ideas and ways to heal, to open to spirit are endless. We seek to feel complete, to feel at ease in our own skin, to feel that connection of oneness , it is a path that beacons you to move blocks with in as you seek to find new depth with in your soul. The beauty of this work is that we are in-control as to what we are WILLING to let go of and to change our pathology, and mind set.
Open up to yourself, allow the beauty of the universal spirit sink deep into your heart center .
Be Brave enough to move into higher vibration. As you move to higher vibrations it is like the eagle that soars to the sun ,and flies above the storms, it has move to clam waters, touching the sky and floating on the river of peace, it feels only love, and moves from the heart center.
In the recent energy wave of Fear, sorrow, anger and rage, I was swept away in these collective energies, I felt them all ,I was all of these emotions, for two days as our world was turned upside down by one soul that lashed out at the world.Before I knew what had happened I woke up feeling all of these things ,I could not shake them .These collective energies brought about my own personal issues of needing life to be a certain way, trying to meet my dead lines on my remodel ,trying to keep up with clients and tiring to keep up the house and ,do yoga ,and go to work all came to be to much as the shift of the collective consciousness shifted on the tragic day when one man shifted the energy to anger ,rage,sorrow, and fear. I ,in these moments I was that mans emotional pain body vibrating out into the world .
We are all one ,we feel each other all the time, but we make it our own issues. We feel each other in good and bad ,happy and sad. The stronger energy will rule the environment, for a time, it is that energy that has the most reserves that gets center stage , so with all the devastation of natural disasters that we have been faced with lately ,and as we try and rally around each other , this one man with so much pain created a wave that touched all our pain bodies.
Last night it rained ,and it came down in sheets, mother earth clearing the air cleaning our pain body so we can rise once again and move forward to help each other. It was very clear to me that to see such hurt within one soul that he was so lost in his own pain body that he expelled it out into the world. He was in so much pain and so lost in the dark that he inflicted his hurt on to others. His poor inner child , I can only feel what it was like for a brief time of the torment that he inflicted on himself , feeling like he had no one to turn to so lost and alone . Now all I feel is compassion and unconditional love toward his lost inner child. His soul so desperate to escape the pain he also took his own life.
My heart has been opened because of him, to bring more love to the world in small and compassionate ways . Feeling today that I have something positive to share with my world with these words to help rebuild our collective energy in to a strong vibration of love .
Love is the only way ,with eyes wide open and compassion as our guide , I want to pass love on to all those that have been touched in any way by loss, and sadness.
At times I feel inspired to share some spot of wisdom that comes through ,or insight to some crappy feelings that I am struggling with. What I want you to know is this. I am a real person with real struggles ,I have ups and downs just like you . I love me but I have days I hate what I feel inside .The pain of PTSD is real and I have a lot of that, I also have a lot of tools to coop and manage my lows. I love having my connection to spirit which I talk to everyday . There is a lot of me that is imperfect ,but I love me anyway. I know all of this helps me ,help you. We walk this place called earth together ,and from what I can see the more we love ourselves and others ,the easier life can be. Sometimes I like to be public and other times I like to tuck myself away from the world . I don't put my self in a box much, I like to be free and easy .You see my life was very hard ,and at times I feel I am still in it so be kind . I have issues that I have learned to love and live with such as Dyslexia, and Lots OF PTSD ,I still find them rising up and had no idea that it still ruled me. Grammar ,not my thing ,so if you don't like the way I write please do not read :) or in the very least , Do not Correct me. I am not here to bring you a perfect image of a spiritual person, I am here to help those that seek me out. I have a lot of gifts and talents ,and I am good at what I do. I am not bragging here ,I just know that what I do and what I have done helps others,has made a difference. I help when called to help, animals ,people, and plants. I have been called here to share my gifts of healing with the earth, and I consider you a part of this earth. It all feels magical to me ,and I see magic in you .